I want to think of myself as a fixer, but my natural tendency to fix things is not always as productive as I’d like it to be. Especially when it came to “fixing” my husband’s lack of being able to spiritually lead.
That was at least the case when I first tried “fixing” my husband’s lack of spiritual leadership. I humbly admit, my “fixing” looked like overruling and nagging.
I would tell him what he needed to do and what he could be doing better. Yikes! If you can imagine, that didn’t go over well. Even if my advice was good, I told it in a way where it could not be received.
YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP BEING RIGHT
One of men’s top 5 needs is respect, and that means they need to feel that they are deeply admired for their abilities and qualities.
That doesn’t mean you can’t voice your opinion. It means you need to do it in the right way, and trust your husband to make the final call. What I have learned is, if you want your husband to grow in leadership you have to give him the chance to be a leader.
This can be really scary because a leader in training is not always a good leader. However, if you want them to learn and grow you have to give them the space to figure it out.
BE YOUR HUSBANDS BIGGEST FAN
Praising your husband for everything that he is doing right goes a lot further than telling him everything he needs to change. Men hate that! Heck, I hate that!
Try complimenting your husband on what you admire about him. Build his confidence. If you admire that he’s been working extra hard, or you admire his people skills tell him.
You want your relationship to be about a 6:1 ratio, meaning 6 compliments for every one constructive criticism. Harvard Business did a study on this for work team performance, but I believe it to be true in just about any team situation! Your praise should always outway your critiques.
Genuinely coming to your husband for answers is going to make him want to have the answers! Even if he doesn’t know something, I’m sure he’ll look it up and get back to you.